Of Benefits and Squiggles
by pleiades007
Summary: Scorpius asks questions and Albus tries to clarify what kind of shape he is. Rated for language and implied sexual situations. Albus Potter/Scorpius slash. I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters. Oneshot.


Of Benefits and Squiggles

Albus sighed and rested his head on Scorpius's shoulder. "It turns out, Scorpius," he murmured, sniffing the other boy's neck, "that watching an empty fireplace isn't really that entertaining."

Scorpius scowled, adjusting his position on the couch so he was facing the other. "I didn't suggest watching the fireplace, Albus. I suggested sitting here and talking." Albus tilted his head slightly, unimpressed. Scorpius sighed angrily, "I mean, would it be alright if we just sat here and talked for a little while?"

Albus cuddled with the other boy, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Scorpius's neck. "You forget the agreement we came up with earlier."

"And what was that?"

"That we engage in 'mutually beneficial activities,' quoting yourself, of course. I need something in exchange."

"How about, in exchange, I give you that sweet smile I know sends chills to your knees?" He grinned, but Albus only blew a wet raspberry in his direction. "So, what? You don't want to know anything about me?"

Albus huffed. "Scorpius, love, I already know everything about you!" He ran his fingers up and down the pale arm next two him.

"Really?"

"Really. I'll prove it to you. Ask me anything."

"What's my favorite animal?"

"Giraffe."

"Why?"

"Because yellow and brown are your favorite colors."

"Fine. Favorite toy as a child?"

"A figurine of the house elf who died before your birth." Albus inclined his head. "Which, might I add, is … weird."

Scorpius snorted. "Favorite smell?"

"Bleach, and don't ask me why. You know I know." Scorpius blushed at the sly grin that spread across Albus's face.

"I'm sure. Worst fear?"

"On most days it's the return of animosity between our families. When the end of the school year rolls around though," Albus let out a hearty laugh, "it's that you're going to fail all your exams." He rolled his eyes.

Scorpius, however, let out a sigh of relief. "Aren't you glad the OWLs are over?"

Albus shrugged. "Not really. It just means you're going to spend the next two years scaring yourself shitless over the NEWTS." Scorpius paled as Albus rolled his eyes again.

"Ultimate sex fantasy?"

"Easy, though…weird, again."

"Tell me."

"In the ocean, in the rain, and wearing nothing but sandals. On our hands." Albus hopped slightly when he faced Scorpius. "Don't you think that would make some things difficult, having sandals on our hands?"

Scorpius raised an eyebrow. "Who said I was going to be in the picture?"

Albus snorted at the rebuff and lifted his nose. "Next."

"I'm out." Scorpius rested his head on the back of the couch. He rolled his sight over to face Albus. "You're a homosexual, right?" he asked in a rare moment of vulnerability.

Albus jolted at the question. He looked up at Scorpius with an expression that clearly doubted the other boy's sanity. "I don't really like the terminology, but…" he breathed heavily, "yes, I suppose I am."

Scorpius just stared. "Why don't you like the word homosexual?"

Albus glared. "Because it's so… technical sounding. If it were a shape, it'd have corners, like a triangle, you know?"

Scorpius blinked. "No."

"I like the word gay. It's round, you know, but not like a circle, cause that's normal. More like an ellipse." Albus grinned, off in his own fantasy world.

Scorpius hesitated playfully. "And queer?"

Albus wrinkled his nose in thought. "Queer to me isn't really a shape. It's more like a," he wiggled his arm in the air, "a squiggle." He paused. "They're all different, you see. Each type describes a little bit about the person."

"Oookay. So… what kind of homosexual are you?" Scorpius grinned.

"The kind that fucks men," Albus replied instantly, and then giggled. "But there is a problem inherent in your question, you see," he rambled, pushing up imaginary glasses and taking on a nerdy persona. "You see, you used the word homosexual in a clarification question, to which homosexual could actually be an answer." Scorpius rolled his eyes as Albus went on. "So, really, you should have asked which kind of shape I am, and then, you would understand that I'm more of a squiggle line that, if you could zoom out a thousand trillion times," he waved his arms in the air grandly, "you'd see an ellipse."

"Are you done?" Scorpius asked, amused but growing bored.

"Not quite."

"Why's that?" the blonde asked, both his eyebrows raised.

"I don't know what shape you are."

Scorpius hummed tunelessly. "I'm not sure. I left the manual on my sexuality upstairs on my bed," he grinned playfully and then leaned in to whisper. "Let's go see if we can find out."

Albus blushed, stunned. With a blush he murmured, "That sounds mutually beneficial."

Without hesitation, Scorpius yanked him by the wrist, headed toward the stairs.


End file.
